Hello friends, one of the most dangerous things to a relationship is the spirit of control. It’s the number one relationship killer – the tendency for one spouse to try and control another. Control can be overt or subtle. Sometimes people will try to control others because they think that they know what’s best. In some rare instances, this might be appropriate. However in a marriage where there are two, grown adults, control is a definite relationship killer.
When people hear the word “control” they often associate it with images of “strong”, “assertive”, “overbearing”, or “demanding” people. This certainly can be the case as many controlling people fit this criteria. These are the ones who are obvious and stick out like a sore thumb. They are loud, intrusive, demanding and disregard the choices or feelings of others. These individuals are very challenging and require firm limits and/or strict consequences.
Then there are those individuals who are controlling in other ways. For instance, the wife who is home all day and refuses to cook dinner for her husband. She always is “busy” but never seems to get anything done. Her house is a mess, and she’s always tired. Her excuse? She complains that no matter what she makes, he doesn’t like. However when you probe a little deeper, you find that she’s not really putting much effort, or “love”, into what she’s making for him. Canned vegetables and mushy, bland noodles are no dinner than anyone would eat. But what’s really more disconcerting is the attitude behind the behavior. The defiant, underlying arrogance, and hidden pride at her refusal to change. This is a controlling, selfish, and stubborn stance. It is not honoring to the Lord and certainly not honoring to the marriage.
God designed women to have the role of “helpmate.” In Genesis 2:18, He saw that it was not good for man to be alone, so He created women to come alongside men to be a supporter. Words that encourage, strengthen and support your husband will help to nurture and draw you both closer together. Be faithful in the little things, for the clothes on your back, the food in your belly, and the warm bed you sleep in. There are many people who pray every night to have these things and go hungry, cold and tired. “He who is faithful in a very little thing is also faithful in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is also unrighteous in much.” (Luke 16:10).
Choose to be a wise steward with your time and talents. Ask the Lord to help you be sensitive to the voice of the Holy Spirit, and learn how to be the helpmate that God desires for you to be. Do your duty as unto the Lord, and leave the results up to Him. Always be invested in growing yourself and knowing yourself, because the day you stop growing is the day you start dying.
Dr. Christy 🙂