One Behavior You Don’t See in Happy Marriages

In any relationship there will undoubtedly be times when you’ll both come to a difference of opinion. One behavior that happy, healthy and stable marriages have is that they do not criticize the other spouses thoughts, feelings or ideas.

Courtesy of Getty Images

Courtesy of Getty Images

According to the Gottman Institute, “Criticism is any statement that implies that there is something globally wrong with one’s partner, something that is probably a lasting aspect of the partner’s character. Any statement that begins with ‘you always’ or ‘you never’ will be a criticism rather than a complaint.”

Criticism will naturally elicit defensiveness. Instead of seeking to understand the heart of your mate, anything voiced in a critical or complaining spirit will only serve to push them away.

Is that what you desire to do?

A critical spirit finds wrong in everything, and it can easily become a pattern.  People who have this tendency can easily become prey to a passive, victim mindset and look at their spouse to give them happiness.

This puts a tremendous pressure on the other spouse which is unfair and not biblical.

When issues arise, avoid fault-finding and complaining.  When you do have good reason, say what must be said in a way that is not a put-down or character assassination.10-husband-doesnt-listen-couple-talking-lgn

Remember,  love is taking a stand for the benefit of the other person. Our love for our spouse is a product of the love that God has given us, and it defines how we are to approach each other.

When you try to understand what your spouse is going through and how you can help them have a better life, you are demonstrating love to them.

May your marriage blossom like the beautiful flowers of spring and deepen in love as you choose to grow in your relationship with Him.


Dr. Christy

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